Happy Heavenly Birthday Mum

It only came to my conscious awareness today why I didn’t respond to my yoga teacher’s text from two weeks ago, suggesting a one-on-one on Friday 30th March.

Tomorrow my mother would have been 78. She died two years ago, alone in Florida of a brain aneurysm. Mercifully quick but still, I imagine, rather scary when your body starts attacking you and there’s no one.

These past two weeks I have done nothing of note, a little reading, a little organising, a lot of resting, my body remembered the anniversary was coming even if I didn’t. How marvellous are those cells, the DNA that is her DNA, quietly putting me to rest in remembrance of her. Wow!

I was watching Oprah and Iyanla on YouTube last night and the message Iyanla put across to one young lady was “refuse to fail”, whatever it is that you want to do, refuse to fail. Those three words jolted me into the remembrance of my mother, the day of her birth 30th March 1934 and the day of her death 30th August 2010. My mother was tenacious, some might stay stubborn, she was fearless, some might say reckless, she played to win, gambled and lost on more than one occasion, but she never quit. There was a refusal to fail etched deep inside her and how blessed am I because if she had it, I must have some of it too.

Today I look forward to starting a new life in a new country where I will be happy as well as successful with the blessing of my mother’s DNA from which I declare that I refuse to fail.

KODAK MOMENT

February is the month of love.  It is the month for lovers with Valentine’s Day and Leap Year proposals from women to men.

Here’s a story for those who are not feeling particularly loved or cherished.  This is a great story for your teenager or grandkids when they’re not feeling so special.

When I was a girl, maybe mid- or late teens, I don’t remember exactly, I was tagging along to see a friend of a friend who had recently moved into her own flat.

I remember the day being sunny and bright and as we approached our destination, I saw a tall, gangly young man at the top of the steps outside the flat.  When he saw my companion he smiled, a smile that completely engaged me and made the day seem even brighter.  His face, that smile were the only things I could focus on, all else had faded into the background.  It was exactly like one of those cinematic sequences that are routinely captured on film, so that you know immediately who the hero and heroine are.  

I don’t know how much time passed without me moving or breathing, what I do know is that I took a snapshot of that moment and placed it in a special place inside me.  

Somebody spoke and brought me out of my trance.  I was being introduced to the gangly-one’s girlfriend/mother of his child. I acknowledged to myself how beautiful she was with a matching dazzling smile and knew that what I had experienced had to be forgotten.  So I took that Kodak moment and tucked it away in the deepest part of my heart knowing it would have to simply be my secret, until today.

So for all those who aren’t feeling so special, remember there is always someone that regards you in a totally different way to anyone else and they hold you in a special place in their heart, you just may not be aware of it.

TOOL 5 – Make Your Habits Work For You

The 5th and Final Tool

Make Your Habits Work For You

All the tools we have looked at so far contribute to our personal effectiveness.  If you recall these tools were:

1. Embrace Personal Responsibility
2. Adjust to Change
3. Stay Focused
4. Surround Yourself with Empowering People; and the final tool
5. Make Your Habits Work For You

• Which of these Tools of Personal Effectiveness show up strongly in your life right now?
• Which ones do you have the most trouble with?

How can each tool support you in creating the ideal life of your dreams?  Journal your thoughts.

Tool 4 – Surround Yourself with Empowering People

Surround Yourself with Empowering People

It’s important that the people who are closest to you are also the most supportive of what you are doing.

Make a list of the top 7 people closest to you – your family, your friends, your colleagues and anyone else who directly impacts your life.  For each person, ask yourself, “Does this person support me the way I need to be supported?”  If so, great!  You might want to take some time this week to express your appreciation.

For those who try to be supportive, but are not quite aligning with what you need from them, take a moment to figure our how they can support you better.  Then make a commitment to ask each one for the help you need.

Finally, take note of anyone who is actively and purposefully unsupportive and start thinking of how you want to address this situation to lessen their impact on your life.

In your journal, keep track of the responses from each person on your list that you make a request of or talk to.  Were the responses what you expected, or did they surprise you?

TOOL 3 – Stay Focused

Stay Focused

The quality of your life is created by what you focus on. Focus on your goals, and they become your reality.

In your journal respond to the following:

How do you normally respond to obstacles?
What are some obstacles you are currently facing?
Are you maintaining your focus?
Or are you letting the obstacle take centre stage?
If it’s the latter, what changes do you need to make to refocus your energies on your goal?

TOOL 2 – Adjust to Change

TOOL 2 – Adjust to Change

FOOD FOR THOUGHT:  The key to cultivating adaptability is to focus on the essence of what you want, rather than any particular manifestation of it.

Conscious Action:

How do you usually respond to change?

Think of a recent event where you reacted badly to change.  Journal about the situation, then give yourself a “redo” and journal about what would have been a more productive, useful or enjoyable response.

The First Tool

Tools for change

TOOLS FOR CHANGE

The tools that enable you to make successful change are the mindsets, habits and behaviours that all successful people have in common.

1. Take full responsibility (for what your life looks like)
2. Adjust to change (it is the only constant in life – death being the alternative)
3. Stay focused (distractions will come, but never lose sight of the ultimate goal)
4. Stay close to empowering people (create your personal power team)
5. Make your habits work for you (don’t fight against how you naturally are, make it a plus part of your endeavours)

In your journal,

Discuss which of these five tools for change are evident in your life right now?

Which ones do you find the most challenging?

How could each of the five tools support you in creating the life of your dreams?

Next time we’ll explore the first tool.

Host Families Needed

BROMLEY CHURCHES HOUSING ACTION

Honorary President:  The Mayor of Bromley

“When I was a stranger you took me into your home”

L iving

A micably

T ogether in

C aring

H omes

PROJECT

A Christian response to single homelessness

I am a host for a charity called the Latch Project, which is based in Bromley, Kent and is the only project of its kind in the south of England.

Latch provide suitable host families for homeless young people (aged 16-24) in the Bromley/Lewisham areas.

All the young people have to meet strict criteria, e.g. no criminal record, no drink or drug related issues and ideally are at school, in further education or at work. 

My young man is 18 years old and studying painting and decorating at college 3 days a week.  Before he came to us, he was sleeping on the floor at friends houses.  He seems very happy to have his own room now, and he wrote me a letter stating how happy he was to be living with such a loving family.

My role as a Latch Host is to provide his own room, give guidance and life skills as and when necessary, for which I am financially compensated. 

Right now Latch has about 30 young people who are waiting for host families. Please call them if you know of anyone that may be willing to host a homeless young person.  You will need to be in the local area. 

LATCH 0208 460 0042/0560 343 4828

P.S.

This project is only partially funded by the Government so any donations are always welcome.

Create the Blueprint for Your Best Life

Living in balance requires you to purposely design and nurture the life you want to live rather than leaving things to chance.Ask yourself:

• Do you deliberately design your life using a powerful vision to guide you?
• Do you have a clear plan of action to achieve that vision?
• Do you simply react to things as they happen and hope for the best?
• Do you use a combination of the above?
• What might be possible if you lived your life with intention and by design every single day?
• What would you need to change in order to live your life with intention and by design every day?

How do you create a powerful vision?
By visualising the ideal of what you would like your life to look like in a year, five or ten years’ time.

How do you establish a clear plan of action towards your goal/vision?
By acknowledging where you are now an creating a map to where you want to be, step by manageable step.

Hoping for the best and reacting to things as they happen, leaves little space for a true sense of direction.  Distraction will come when you have a plan, but keeping sight of your goal will put you back on track.  Without an end goal to focus on, distractions become your focus.

Does a combination work for you or does it feel like one step forward and two steps back?  As long as you can dedicate a certain amount of productive time every single day to your goal/vision, you will make progress.

When you are prepared with intention and your own design, the possibilities are endless.

If you are not living your best life, you may need to make a change.

I’ll be outlining some tools for change next time.  In the meantime, get a notebook, write down your answers and share them with me.